he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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