Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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