the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
