I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
