Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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