I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize