morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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