Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
