I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
