After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
