He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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