i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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