My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We are all done wearing pants today
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
