I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Randomize
