is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
