I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
