How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
