I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
