My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
