Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I party with great urgency now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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