my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
