oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
