She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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