I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
