I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize