It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
