I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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