Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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