i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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