I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
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Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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