What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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