lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
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Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
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He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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