Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
