we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
