She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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