The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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