Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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