I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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