can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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