sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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