No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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