the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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