I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
