I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
