Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
