My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
