so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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