is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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