you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
