Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
