Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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