i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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