If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
