I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
