That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
