I can tuck mytits in my pants
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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