I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
