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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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