This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
