I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
