I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
