I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
