I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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