she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
