capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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