fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
