I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
