this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
