Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
