My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
