They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
