U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
