So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
