Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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