I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
