I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
