he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
