I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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